Strangers and Friends

I love to wake up on a new continent and experience the early morning light with the Word of God and my journal. I love watching a place come slowly alive as people begin to go about their daily work. There is an interesting respect for a person's quiet space early in the morning which I find no matter where I go in the world. It's not rude to simply nod and say good morning without stopping for a chat. Everyone quietly goes about their work, almost as if we are all still half asleep, lost in our own thoughts. Quickly the hush lifts though, as more people get up and those already up become alert and focused on the day's duties. 

It is now 8am in Bangalore and I'm sitting on the front steps of the guesthouse. I have seen a few of the group up but not all of us have emerged yet. We are heading off at 9am to visit IEM's headquarters and have morning devotions with them. 

We had a warm welcome at IEM and were introduced to many of the staff. We each were presented with a whole bouquet of flowers, which of course I loved. :)

We sang together and listened to Bill's devotion on Jesus and Peter walking on water. I love the way we can have Christian fellowship no matter where we are so long as we're with the body of Christ. 

We were given a wonderful Indian breakfast afterwards! The table was laden with dishes full of scrambled eggs with sausages and chilli, porridge, toast and dosa, which look a bit like a pancakes with savoury fillings of meat and/or vegetables. Yummy! 

Saloni and I enjoying the beautiful flowers we were given. 

Robyn enjoys her gardens. :)

We wandered around the buildings for a while, poking our heads into offices and talking to people about their different roles at IEM. Meanwhile, Bill and Luke enjoyed checking out the General Secretary's son's soundproof studio for his music. 

Indian driving and traffic is definitely a new experience! There really aren't lanes that have to be followed and all you really need to know is how to work the horn to hopefully get where you need to go safely. We have two jeeps with drivers from IEM to show us around. 

Some of the stickers on the back of the cars made us laugh:). 

We drove to parliament and wandered for a while. 

There are many road signs encouraging people to follow road rules, but so far from what we've seen they don't seem to make much difference!

We wandered around some shops for a while and crossed some roads successfully:). Keaton and Luke went off to a music shop and Luke came back with a guitar to take with us. I can't really imagine either of those boys without some form of musical instrument with them. 

We met back up again and were getting ready to leave a cafe when a little girl came and stood right in front of me, maybe 4 or 5 years old, though Indian children are so petite that it's hard to tell. She held one hand out to me and simply looked into my eyes. She didn't say a word; she didn't have to. My eyes were already welling up with tears as I tried to pretend I was still following the conversation I had been a part of only a few seconds before. It's so easy for me to love children. My first instinct is never logical or practical which is unusual for me, no matter what a child looks like or how filthy they may be. I have an insane urge to gather her up in my arms and hold her tight. 

No matter how many hungry and hopeless little faces I see, I can never become used to it. 

I always struggle to know what to do in these situations. Giving money for me is the easy, if not lazy, way out. I'm not saying we should never give money, but that, in the end, how much will it really benefit the child? Do we give money just to make ourselves feel better? Tell ourselves that we did all we could do to clear our consciences? One thing we can all do which is never in vain is to pray. I didn't give this little girl any money. Should have I? I don't know.

I did pray for her though and still do for all these little children, even as her eyes still haunt me. One thing I know for sure is that her soul is far more important than her body. God cares for both her soul and body, and I take comfort in the fact that He is a just God Who will make all things right on the earth one day. 

_

We returned to the guesthouse and rested for a little over an hour. I played skip-bo on the front steps with Saloni and Alex, we all listened to Luke with his new guitar and Keaton and Robyn went for a walk. 

Saloni and I completely worn out, waiting for our dinner. 

We walked down to a restaurant and had curry and chapattis with ice cream for dessert. It was great! I think we're all already loving the food. 

Of course good food always tastes better seasoned with good conversation. Robyn, Alex, Samuel, Saloni and I were sitting near each other and had some great conversation about different social issues and biblical doctrines. Robyn and I are both very passionate about our opinions and beliefs, which leaves us with never a dull topic. Everyone that knows me well will know that these kind of conversations have me in my element:). I love it when as Christians, though we may not agree on every subject, we can still discuss our opinions with love and grow closer to one another as brothers and sisters in Christ. 

I can't wait to share this experience with these wonderful people!

We finished the night with a game of phase 10, more music from Luke and then off to bed. We are leaving for Mysore at 7am tomorrow. 

"Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel."

"Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another."

Proverbs 27:9,17

The Light for the Nations

This is going to be a fun trip. :)

I can see it now; we are going to joke and laugh together, work together, live together, get to know each other better, annoy each other a little, encourage each other, and ultimately grow closer to God together as we fellowship with one another. 

Being so close with people always opens my eyes a little more to sin, grace and forgiveness that occurs in every day life. 

I'm so excited to step foot on another continent! I've learnt to love all the uncertainties of travel and experiencing another culture. God never works the same way twice and I can't wait to see how He will work through this trip.

"For it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure."

Philippians 2:13

I got up at 5:15am, shoved the last few things in my suitcase and ate breakfast. Everyone got up to say goodbye and when Samuel, Saloni and Keaton arrived Andrew took us to the airport. We arrived before 8am and the rest of the group, Bill, Luke, Robyn and Alex, were already there waiting for us. 

Traveling was pretty easy. The twelve hours were passed with the usual chatting, listening to music, dozing off, watching movies, listening to sermons, doing puzzles, reading, writing in journals, until we all reached the point of total exhaustion. 

We had a quick stop over in Delhi and were on our way to Bangalore. 

We were greeted at the airport by some staff from IEM and arrived at the guesthouse by about 1am India time. Our rooms were basic but comfortable and clean, and we all slept comfortably. 

_

Jesus is a Light for the nations of the world. Only Jesus' light can dispel the darkness of this world. I want to be an instrument of His light. 

Lord, when people see our group, what we do and how we behave, may we be shining lights of Jesus Himself; that they may not see 8 Aussie tourists, but instead wonder Who You are, Lord. Prepare the way, Lord, shine Your light into people's hearts, for we cannot free people from darkness, only by Your power can the prisoners be set free. 

Thus says God, the LORD, 

who created the heavens and stretched them out, 

who spread out the earth and what comes from it, 

who gives breath to the people on it

and spirit to those who walk in it:

"I am the LORD; I have called you in righteousness; 

I will take you by the hand and keep you;

I will give you as a covenant for the people, 

a light for the nations,

to open the eyes that are blind, 

to bring out the prisoners from the dungeon, 

from the prison those who sit in darkness.

I am the LORD; that is my name;

my glory I give to no other, 

nor my praise to carved idols. 

Behold, the former things have come to pass, 

and new things I now declare;

before they spring forth

I tell you of them."

Isaiah 42:5-9

Travelling Again

Yep, that's right. I'm off again. :) 

This time only for 12 days. 

I leave this Wednesday! 

I'm travelling with a group from my church. There will be 8 of us all together of all different age groups and walks of life. We are travelling to India and spending time in three different states in the southern part of the country. Bangalore and Hyderabad are the main cities we are visiting. This trip has been organised by a elder in our church (who is originally from India) in conjunction with the staff of Indian Evangelical Mission. We hope to visit several of their mission fields and see first hand the work that they do as well as bring greetings from Christians in Australia. Most of us return on the 29th of September, but Bill, our minister, and Samuel, an elder in our church, are continuing on to several other places to minister to other men in ministry. 

We would appreciate prayer for this trip. It seems that everything about planning this trip has been more difficult than it should have been. I would especially appreciate prayer for one young guy who has been quite sick this week and may not be able to come with us now. It would be disappointing for all of us if he can't make it. So, please pray for Luke and his health. 

Also, there is a fairly new Hindu prime minister in India. We have to be careful to be sensitive about the purpose of our trip. Officially, we are going only as tourists. So, please pray that God might be preparing the way for us as we travel. 

Most of all I pray that God will be glorified and His Kingdom furthered in our hearts and the hearts of His people. 

I won't be able to blog while travelling this time, but I plan to journal each day and post when I get home. Thanks for your continued prayers. 

"For here we have no lasting city, but we seek the city that is to come. Through him then let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that acknowledge his name. Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God."

Hebrews 13:14-16

Sharing My Scars

Over the past few months I've had the opportunity to share about my experiences in Uganda with many different people in both my home church and with extended family. Many of those who read this blog were able to come to hear me give my presentation either at Frankston or Rokeby, or watched the recording. 

I love to talk about my time in Uganda but I also find it difficult as I bare my soul afresh to the heartaches. I wrote out most of my presentation word for word because I knew I'd be a mess of tears by the end. Sure enough, by the time I reached my conclusion, the words on the page were a mere blur. 

I knew it had to be that way though. After all how can I relate what it was really like for me without showing the scars left on my heart? My scars are beautiful though as each one shows where I've been hurt but God has healed me.

The following is the conclusion I gave to both my presentations. These are my most recent scars. One day, after all the scars are healed, maybe my heart will look a little more like Christ's. 

 Reality

I’ve had a few people ask me how it’s been coming back to reality here. The truth is that I think that being over there is more like reality than being here. What I mean is that being in such an environment forced me to grapple every day with issues of this life in a way I don’t experience in my mon-fri job.

What were only ideas and inklings to me became reality.

The idea of poverty, becomes reality, as I visit a family that has no roof in the middle of the rainy season.

The idea of malnutrition and starvation becomes reality, as I watch a 1 year old so weak he can’t even lift his head.

The idea of being orphaned becomes reality, as I walk hand in hand chatting to a young girl who looks at me as if I’m the most privileged person on earth to still have a father that is alive.

The idea of abandonment becomes a reality as a the two year old boy at my side asks if he can be my son.

And in all this painful reality that I was faced with every day, God showed Himself to be real too, and faithful. Like a diamond shines brighter against a black background so too does God’s goodness shine clearer in midst of suffering and pain.

As I became tired and weak, He showed Himself to be my source of strength and courage.

As I struggled with my own limitations and helplessness, He showed Hi s limitless power and perfect understanding.

As I discovered more and more my own insufficiency, He showed Himself to be sufficient in any and every circumstance.

Both the joys and the heartaches make me look forward to eternity all the more. I put my trust in God for the future of both these precious children and my own.

I just want to finish with a verse which shows my hope for eternity , when I will experience the full reality of Christ in all His glory, with none of the pain of this world, for He took all this world’s suffering onto Himself.

 “For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.”

1 Corinthians 13:12

Beauty Created

God created flowers. 

Flowers teach me something about God. 

I can admire a rose and know that God delights in beauty, in colour, and in fragrance. 

I am made in the image of God and so I too delight in such beauty, especially  the flowers He has created. (I was more than a little thrilled to receive two bouquets for my birthday last week)

Does God smile each time a new bud opens its face to the sun? Does He scatter the morning dew and watch the beads of water sparkle on the silky petals? Does He breathe the breeze to watch pink blossoms float down from trees? Does He watch knowingly as my eyes light up at the sight of a simple vase of flowers on the kitchen table? 

It may be just my imaginations, but if I delight in a flower's beauty surely the One Who formed them takes great delight in watching a winter rose bloom.

The photo credit goes to my mother who delights in capturing God's beauty with a camera :).

"He has made everything beautiful in its time."

Ecclesiastes 3:11

A Week Later....

Things I'd forgotten....

• I can drive a car!
• I own and carry something called a phone
• There is such a thing as proper lighting inside
• I have to wear a seatbelt
• Clothing like jeans, socks and closed toed shoes
• I have to stand still in church :)
• I can purchase things with a card
• Australian money is plastic
• Australians swear... a lot
• What real cold feels like!

Yes, it's different being home. A week down and I'm mostly back into routine. Back to "normal" life. It doesn't feel normal any more though. 

It was lovely, on Sunday, to see all my church family again and thank those who have supported me in prayer and been faithful readers of this blog. Those who have continued to care about me, even a continent away, I feel closer to for the whole experience. On the other hand there are many people who will never understand what it's like to do something like this. I get questions like "how was your holiday?" and I smile and say "fine". Or when people talk about coming back to "reality" (when being there feels more "real" than here sometimes). How do I begin to explain what God has taught me? 

I haven't had culture shock as bad as I did when returning from Malawi. God caused me to struggle through many issues when I was still in Uganda and I've returned home having already worked through many questions from my heart with Him. Though He has torn me open and exposed my heart to such an ache, I am richer for the experience and would do it again in a heartbeat. Twice now I've been told that there is a certain glow about me. I think that the "glow" that people see is when others recognise that deep spring of joy inside of me that God fills up each and every day. I feel like I'm glowing too, glowing with His joy. 

I'm not the same. I never will be the same person I was when I left. Praise God, He never stops working on me. I'm not finished yet and He'll continue to break me open and expose the deepest corners of my heart to His saving grace and mercy until the day I enter eternity. 

"For our citizenship is in heaven, from which we also eagerly wait for the Saviour, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body that it may be conformed to His glorious body, according to the working by which He is able even to subdue all things to Himself."
Philippians 3:20-21

A Love so Great

My last morning. I got out of bed at the same time I always do but didn't head down to the nursery. It felt strangely surreal to still be there but apart from everything. I was leaving. 

I finished up all the last minute packing and tidying up of the guesthouse. After I'd finished everything I headed down to the nursery to say goodbye to this shift of mamas and a have a last cuddle with the babies. 
The babies all seemed to want to be held at once which is unusual. Mama Dorothy said "the Spirit is telling them that you are leaving". Mama Dorothy gave me her long parting blessing which I'm told she only does for special volunteers. I felt privileged to receive it. All the mamas sent greetings with me back home to my parents, family and church. 
Poor John couldn't understand why I'd put him down so soon and I had to walk out the gate with him crying for me to pick him up. He'll be fine, the question is will I? 

I then headed over to the boys cottage to do goodbyes again. Some scrambled to give me hugs and others quietly waited for me to call their name for a hug. The question is always "who will be our new aunty?" I couldn't answer that. I knew that have a new aunty soon but who they were I had no clue. God will bring them the people they need. 

Richard was still under the impression that he was coming with me. I had to explain again that he was only going part way and then returning home. I left him with his head down in disappointment. How much fully sinks into the boys, I don't know. They still asked if I was going to read them a bedtime story tonight. No, no more bedtime stories from me. No more butterfly kisses and whispering "I love you" in their ears. I'm going to get in the car and probably never see them again. My heart screams, How can you do this? How can you keep putting one foot in front of the other when it's taking you far away from those you love? but I continued on, closed the door behind me and collected my bags. 

Richard was coming with me part of the way. Emma had to take him into Kampala to see a doctor about some ear problems. Becky even joined us for the ride as she had some work to do there. So it was a nice full car for the majority of the ride. Richard enjoyed every moment as the little ones don't often get car rides. 

We stopped for lunch at a Mexican restaurant that I'd been to once before. Richard asked me "Aunty, is this Australia?" Poor child has no concept of how far away it really is. Then again, maybe that's a good thing. I left them to finish their lunch and continued on with my driver to Entebbe. He didn't really know where he was going and had to stop for directions twice but he eventually found the main road and we continued on our journey. A little while before the airport we went through a road block and I had to get out of the car to empty my purse and go through metal detector while the driver waited for me a few hundred meters ahead. I made it to the airport at around 2pm. The driver carried my bags for me almost to check in and then I paid him for parking and thanked him before he left me. I was on my own again. 

Check in was quick and I met an Aussie girl in the queue who'd just spent the same amount of time volunteering in a different orphanage. I was thankful that I'd got there earlier as my flight had been moved forward an hour which I didn't realise. 

As I boarded the plane, settled into my seat and waiting for take off again that corner of my heart screamed take me back! I don't want to leave! 

Traveling was much the same as it always is, tiring, long, boring. My flight was delayed at Doha and we waited on the plane for almost an hour before take off. I slept quite a bit of those 13 hours, exhaustion taking over and overcoming the fact that sleeping is almost impossible in an airplane seat. 

I have moments of excitement and moments of irrational panic, moments of calm and moments of fear, moments of peaceful acceptance and moments of longing. Ask me how I feel? You just might get a different answer from me at different moments. In the long quiet hours that is traveling, I find myself daydreaming of two different places. The moment when I walk through those doors and I see my family again has played over and over in my mind. Yet, just as often my mind travels back and my arms ache with emptiness. There's something missing. I'm not the same. I've grown used to having a small person depending on me for their every need and comfort. Where are they? Where is that small wriggling child ever constant in my arms?

Things I miss already....

• baby tears on my shoulder
• reaching out to steady uncertain steps
• eyes that light up when I walk in the room
• being called "Aunty"
• hands that are always reaching for mine
• cries for attention
• giggles of laughter
• tired eyes that watch my face as I sing softly 
• dimpled cheeks
• cheeky grins of mischief

There's much more but these are the main things and the list could go on forever if I tried to record everything. One thing I felt which I'd never experienced before is that deep love for someone that isn't returned the same way, a love so great that they'll never truly understand how much I love them. They'll never know how much I care. They'll never remember my name. They may never know that wherever they go in the world someone loves them, cares for them and prays for them. 

God knows though. He is a Father. He cares for His children that don't fully comprehend Him, that can't fully grasp the depth of His love, that take for granted the fact He is even there. 

Nothing compares to His love. 

Thank you, Lord, for giving me another glimpse of Yourself through these children. 

I will lift up my eyes to the hills-

From whence comes my help?

My help comes from the LORD, 

Who made heaven and earth. 

He will not allow your foot to be moved;

He who keeps you will not slumber.

Behold, He who keeps Israel

Shall neither slumber nor sleep.

The LORD is your keeper; 

The LORD is your shade at your right hand. 

The sun shall not strike you by day, 

Nor the moon by night.

The LORD shall preserve you from all evil;

He shall preserve your soul.

The LORD shall preserve your going out and your coming in

From this time forth, and even forevermore. 

Psalm 121