A Journey of Grace

I've been reading over my journal of the last 18 months. 
I'm always thankful for when I take the time to journal my thoughts and prayers. Reading over them I can trace a pattern. The definite print of God's hand is on the last 18 months. 
I usually don't write much or explain any specific situations. I simply write what's on my heart. 
Times of frustration, times of peace, times of heartache, times of joy, times of desperation, times of rest. On their own they seem insignificant but together they show a journey of grace. A journey of God displaying His power in my weakest moments. 

This particular journal I felt like most of my prayers were answered with "wait". I was frustrated at times and sometimes wondered if it would be easier if God just said "no", then at least I could learn to accept and move on. Most of my journaling reflects my struggle with not knowing and learning to simply trust that God's plan has perfect timing. I learnt to ask for His help in the small things as well as the big things. I learnt to ask for the courage and grace I needed for a single moment as well as for my life. 

Right now I rejoice over those times of waiting. That wrestling with God which caused me to lean on Him more than I ever have before. I was brought to the end of myself and there I found God Himself waiting. 
By God's grace I've already seen some of the "immeasurably more" that He promises. I can already be thankful for the way that His plan and timing works out perfectly, far greater than I could ever imagine. 
I may not always see the "why" or receive the answer this side of eternity, but because my faith has grown and my trust in God's goodness has deepened, I know that having to lean on Him is blessing enough. Simply resting in Him is a joy that can't be fully explained unless you've had to do when your hearts in turmoil. 

The journey ahead doesn't look much easier than it did before but I've learnt that waiting has it's rewards. Sure, trials are still trials, but I know that no matter what I can still find joy, because my joy is found in Christ. 
A joy inexpressible. 


"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God's power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the genuineness of your faith -more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire- may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls." 
1 Peter 1:3-9

Pierced

I'm reading a lot at the moment.

I know. You're all thinking "doesn't she always read a lot?"

But, really, I can hardly keep up with myself. For the first time in my life I'm reading more than one book at a time in an effort to keep up with my overflowing bookshelf. Every time I start to catch up on all my reading the Reformers Bookshop send out a new catalog or a friend recommends a book they've just finished. :) I'm a hopeless case. 

So, I considered doing some book reviews to share some of these great books, but then I read a quote from Francis Chan. "If you fail to act on what you're learning, this book is doing more harm than good". So I've changed my tactic. Instead of reviewing some of the great books I've learned from, I'm going to share the recent two books that are changing my life. 

1. Women of the Word by Jen Wilkin

A taste for you

"For years I viewed my interaction with the Bible as a debit account: I had a need, so I went to the Bible to withdraw an answer. But we do much better to view our interaction with the Bible as a savings account: I stretch my understanding daily, I deposit what I glean, and I patiently wait for it to accumulate in value, knowing that one day I will need to draw on it. Bible study is an investment with a long-term payoff. Rather than reading a specific text to try to meet an immediate need, give the benefits of your study permission to be stored away for future use. What if the passage you are fighting to understand today suddenly makes sense to you when you most need it, ten years from now? It has been said that we overestimate what we can accomplish in ten. Are you willing to invest ten years in waiting for understanding? Are you willing to wait a decade for an application point to emerge? Be encouraged that you are storing up treasure, even if you don't see or feel it in the short term." (emphasis added)

This book has completely changed the way I "spend time in the Word". I'm studying more and more with my head instead of letting my heart lead the way. It's harder work and takes longer to do but I'm thoroughly enjoying investing in Bible study. 

2. A Woman's Wisdom by Lydia Brownback

A taste for you. 

"This recognition of our sin before a holy God is what makes us crave a Saviour, and when we cast ourselves upon him to fulfill that craving, we will move beyond just merely understanding the doctrines of the Christian faith in our minds to living them from our hearts with deep joy. All this is why the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. It's because real wisdom is found only in Christ. Wisdom is the realisation that he is everything." (emphasis added)

I described to a friend that reading this book was like being punched in the gut after every chapter. Like a sword piercing my heart the truths in this book challenged many areas of my life. It addresses many areas where wrong thinking creates foolish behaviour, but at the same time gives lots of practical Godly advice. 

So, of course I would recommend reading these books to anyone, but not without a warning. Only read these books if you're prepared to change. They made me uncomfortable and created a burning desire to change the way I think, feel and live. Now, I know only one thing can create this burning within, and it's not great writing or good authors, but the Word that is alive! It's God's Word within these books that pierces my heart and changes my life. 

For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. And no creature is hidden from his sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give account.
Hebrews 4:12-13